Hoboken Woman Lost Mom To Domestic Violence. She's Worried Again.

HOBOKEN, NJ — When Sarah Ripoli was 6 years old and living in the upscale town of Medford, in Burlington County, her father killed her mother upstairs while she was in the basement of their house. Two years later, in 2001, he pleaded guilty to manslaughter and spent 15 years in jail.

Sarah, 27, who is now living in Hoboken and running a clothing line, wrote about the tragic day in a blog entry last year, but for years she had avoided telling people she met.

“Losing a parent to domestic violence is like losing two parents at once,” she wrote. “In an instant, they both become physically gone in different ways. It’s something that happens in such a little amount of time but comes with years of pain.”

Now, she says she has a mission to help domestic violence victims — especially when they may be “quarantined with their abuser” and unable to get moments of peace at work or in school. They also may be afraid to contact law enforcement when everyone is so busy.

Ripoli says that despite her pain, “The rest of my life turned out pretty great.” She was raised by her grandparents in Mt. Laurel and graduated from Monmouth University in 2014 with a bachelor’s degree in public relations and a minor in psychology. She moved to Philadelphia and worked in a job recruiting for accounting firms, but she was always more interested in fashion.

In 2018, she founded Angel Energy, an e-commerce fashion brand that raises awareness about domestic violence. The brand donates 25 percent of its proceeds to a different domestic violence charity each month.

This month, the brand is donating to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, as it’s still operating 24 hours a day to help victims. For those who can’t speak on the phone, the website allows victims to communicate by chat. (The number is 800-799-7233 or chat at thehotline.org.)

Last September, Ripoli moved to Hoboken. Last month, the city’s mayor began closing playgrounds and other facilities to help slow the spread of the virus.

The quarantining has made Ripoli concerned about people in tense situations. There have been recent stories in the news, such the one in which a man killed his wife, stepdaughter and himself in New York last week. Or the story the next day in California in which a man killed his wife, two kids and himself. Or the April 4 story in which a man in his 50s killed his girlfriend while they were waiting for coronavirus test results. In comments after the stories, commenters blamed “hype” and “draconian government restrictions” for the act.

Ripoli said she recently read a story of a man who forced his wife to wash her hands so many times amid the spread of the virus that her hands bled.

She is surprised, she said, by how little attention is paid to domestic violence and how abusers are able to get away with it. (More than 1,000 women each year are killed by men they know; the situation with genders reversed is about 25 percent of that.)

The United Nations recently warned that domestic violence incidents are increasing amid the lockdown.

Experts say that people can’t always leave domestic violence situations easily, and leaving is the most dangerous time. But there are resources available to help. In New Jersey, victims can call their local police department to get a restraining order. The New Jersey Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-572-SAFE (7233). Resources for sexual assault and women’s referrals are also listed here.

In Hudson County, Women Rising provides services. Its phone number is 201-333-5700.

Years of abuse

Ripoli remembers a childhood with frequent abuse.

She said that because her parents had good jobs, no one suspected what went on behind closed doors. Her father was Burlington County’s environmental health coordinator, and her mother was a nutritionist who’d met him through work.

When the abuse became unbearable, Sarah’s mother finally escaped and took her to Florida to stay with relatives. But she returned to her estranged husband’s home to get some things, after he promised to have a grandparent present. Her lawyer had also told her it would be better, when fighting for custody, for her to return, Sarah says.

While Sarah was with her grandfather downstairs, her mother was shot to death.

Sarah said her father was released early for good behavior, but she doesn’t talk to him.

“He got out three years early for good behavior,” she said. “It’s crazy to me that someone gets that little time. I hope the times are changing a little bit.”

She noted how hard it may be to leave a domestic violence situation, especially if victims believe they, their children, or their pets could be hurt. It becomes trickier when the victim lacks financial support.

“My mom told her best friend, ‘He’s going to kill me,’ and she said, ‘That will never happen,’ ” Ripoli said. “A lot of people don’t know that side of a person.”

For men or women who are in that situation, “I just want them to know they’re not alone,” Ripoli said. “There’s a message now [in the community], #hobokenstrong, that we’re all in this together, though we’re apart, and the same thing holds true women in domestic violence relationships. You’re not all alone. We can stand together. I want Angel Energy to be more than a clothing line. I want it to be a movement.”

She said she believes her mother protected her and that her purpose is to help others.

“In 2020, [domestic violence is] not talked about as much as it should be,” Ripoli said. “It needs to be brought into the spotlight.”

To check out Ripoli’s clothes and information, click Angel Energy.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached at 800-799-7233 or the website above.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is reachable at 800-273-8255 or by texting HOME to 741741.

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