Submitted by Kevin LaRose

*****

New York, NY. A boy gives the Bella’s some flowers. He shows them a Cena lunch box with a Nikki Bella action figure inside that he takes with him everywhere.

Now they are in Denver. Paige and Fox meet a fan at a coffee shop. It’s not a nice restaurant; it’s a little place to get to-go coffee. No one hangs out there. They go to a park with a fan. He lives in Portland, OR. He wants Paige to help him come out as a gay man to his family. He is afraid that they won’t accept him. He tells Paige that he gets his strength from her. Fox and Paige agree to go to his house when he comes out to his family. 

Now in Phoenix, going from town to town, we have to move fast. We have a lot of story to get in to just one tiny hour. Nattie is looking at at an app and she tells Mandy about her new cat. Nattie is going on a big family jet-skiing vacation. Mandy complains that she never had a family vacation. Nattie invites Mandy’s family on her vacation. Then she freaks out because she realizes how dumb that was. 

Brie is stoked because she is wrestling in her home town. Everyone loves her and she wins. She hugs her brother JJ backstage. Nikki is bummed because she can’t go to Sedona. In Sedona, Brie, Bryan, and their friends and family, are also going on a different sort of vacation, a cleansing vacation. JJ is upset because he doesn’t want to do everything that Bryan wants to do. The Bellas talk about their breasts. 

Eva and Mandy hug an Uso. Carrano wants to get some creative stuff going for them, get them on Mania to fight for the Diva’s title, and share some wacky ideas for Eva. They want her to dye her hair blonde. We saw what happened last time they asked her to go blonde. She went AWOL. 

Ontario, California. Paige is backstage, talking to some Divas about the promise she made to go to that fan’s house to help him come out to his parents. Renee Young tells her it’s a little weird that she agreed to that. Everyone tells her she is going too far. They tell her it’s a bad idea, even Nattie. 

Back in Phoenix, Bryan tells everyone on the way to the vacation that they are going to visit a reincarnated Buddha, a teepee temple, and then a stupa, “which is like a sacred place.” Brie wants lunch. He tells them there will be no alcohol. This isn’t going to end well.

In Colorado Springs, Nattie walks up to Fox and tells her about the vacation with Mandy. She just learned Mandy is coming with fifteen people. R-Truth hugs Mandy and Eva. They tell him about their tag team. R-Truth wants them to be his dancers. 

Meanwhile, in Sedona. Bryan and friends pull up to a sweet house with a meditation room, as Dean Ambrose and Renee Young show up. Ambrose has a hand drum. Bryan makes a healthy lunch. Everyone is pissed. They don’t want to eat healthy. Bryan tells Brie that she never cries. Bryan cries all the time. 

Back in Colorado Springs, Paige and Fox are in a park. The entire WWE Total Divas universe has been turned on its head. Everyone is going on weird vacations, going to strange family houses, and sitting in small parks and no one is eating at any nice restaurants! Paige tells Fox that everyone said it was weird that they were going to that fan’s house. Fox wants to go. Paige decides to call him and tell him no. She chickens out when they hear his mom had a heart attack. Fox is happy because what’s the worst that can happen? I don’t know, Fox, how about two incompetent strangers showing up with a camera crew to a random and combustible family’s home, during one of the most sensitive conversations they’ve ever had? 

In Tampa, Nattie smells her cat. She tells TJ about Mandy. Nattie tries to quote Maya Angelou. She googles Maya Angelou. TJ is saying funny things. Too bad you are reading this instead of watching, because there is no way possible to convey via the written word how he just interacted with his wife. He’s pretty chill about all of it in the end.

Brie and friends show up to this place and they go into a teepee with this really excited man in a cowboy hat. They do meditation. Everyone hates it except Brie and Bryan. Ambrose is pissed. The guy blows a giant horn in Bryan’s face. Everyone laughs. Everything I would have never thought would happen on this show is happening tonight. 

Finally some semblance of order, as Mandy and Eva walk into a very nice restaurant called Boca. It’s got nice lighting, and a surprising feature… a tree growing in the middle of the restaurant! A fan tells Eva how inspiring she is. No one knows who Mandy is. Mandy wants Eva to go blonde. Mandy, if you keep talking about Eva going blonde then you are already dead. 

Bryan is pissed that everyone made an unhealthy dinner. Bryan said that everyone agreed to do as he said because he paid for everything. Bryan is pissed that everyone is drinking. He gives them the business. Ambrose, shirt reading “I’m just here for the beer,” tells everyone he thinks they should drink. They drink. Bryan chooses not to participate in their toast and tells them such.

In Portland, Paige and Fox pull up to an amazing bed and breakfast. Fox says something stupid and they laugh. Paige asks the proprietor if he is gay. He is. He tells them that coming out to his dad was the hardest thing he’s ever done. 

Back in Sedona, Bryan makes a joke then says he’s going to a Buddhist monument to meditate. Everyone says they aren’t going. Bryan says whatever. Brie doesn’t want to go, and Bryan is pissed. 

Meanwhile at some dump of a bar in Portland, Paige and Fox are with the fan, and they realize they really aren’t qualified to actually help him.

In Orlando, Mandy and Eva talk to Sara and Sarah about their tag team. Eva and Mandy don’t really know anything about tag teams, especially Mandy. Sara tells Eva privately that she is way ahead of Mandy and Eva doesn’t need to change a thing.

Back in Sedona, everyone is in the hot tub. Dean Ambrose jumps in the pool. Bryan is sulking in bed. Brie tries to get Bryan to come to the tub. Bryan wants Brie to go to bed. Bryan surprises everyone and comes out in a cool bathing suit and judges a jumping contest. He has a really good time.  

In Jacksonville, Eva and Mandy are at Tribute to the Troops. Eva and Nattie go to the mess hall. This looks nothing like the restaurants at which they usually dine. Eva tells Nattie about Mandy. Nattie tells her not to sweat Mandy.

Back in Portland, Paige, Fox and the fan pull up to his house. Everyone is un-phased by the cameras. Some tense piano music plays and he tells them he’s gay. Everyone is super chill with it, and there was really no issue at all. Everyone hugs.

In Orlando, Eva is fighting Bayley for the NXT Women’s Championship. 2016 WWE Hall of Fame inductee, Michael Hayes, in a hat no human should wear, stares at Eva and tells her she’s great. She wrestles and loses. Everyone in the crowd hates her and she loves it. She thinks that she’s entertaining. Mandy hugs Eva. Eva tells Mandy to get lost. Mandy acts cool and walks away.

Guess we must wait to find out what happens on Nattie’s vacation.